Waco Tours training was brutal. We rode around in the van all day. When it was my turn to speak, I got so nervous I was sweating. Luckily, I got through it and they gave me enthusiastic feedback and encouragement. I really appreciate them for this because I completely bombed it. That made me want to study even harder for next time.
On my way home from training, I felt kind of defeated and I didn’t really care about being Vegan. I went to Taco Cabana and asked for Vegan options but the lady at the window said that all they had was a bean taco. So without a fight, I went ahead and ordered a large brisket quesadilla for $10.49. I drove up to pay and gave the lady my card. Another lady behind her came up to the window and asked me if I still wanted a Vegan meal. She said she could make me a bowl with rice, beans, guac, and salsa. She didn’t want me to cheat. I said thank you and got the bowl. It was $5. I almost gave in but luckily that lady kept me on track. I picked up Victoria, dropped her off and went home to meet up with the guys.
I remember having a lot of fun, but at some point, I remember saying “get me out of this shit hole” in the middle of a Smash Bros match. As I was saying it, I felt myself to be in a place that I had felt when I was a kid. What I said felt like something my sister would expect me to say/feel. I didn’t like saying it, and I didn’t like how it made me feel about my situation, but it did make me realize that I have this deep desire to make myself better than I used to be. I don’t want to live like I used to. I no longer want to be in debt. I want to set myself up for a stable future. Multiple, steady streams of income; freedom to travel for work and/or pleasure and a decent home to come back when we’re all done. Money is one of the few powers we’re granted on this earth, and my family has never had it. In fact, we’ve always been short of it, and the strain it has put on my family has caused a lot of issues and continues to do so. My oldest sister has been one of the few people in my life that I’ve seen to have ever had money to pay for the bills and to pay for her and her family’s wishes. She’s also been the one in my life to demonstrate the strongest faith, besides my mother. My father has very little faith in the world, but he has faith in my brother and I. He abides by what he knows about his own experiences and his faith in God has been the only thing keeping him tied into this world. His relationship with my mom has been difficult, and the lack of money has been a huge factor in that. Other factors include my dad’s pride and my mother’s lack thereof. My dad’s pride kept him from wanting to change the way he did things, and my mom’s lack of pride and confidence prevented her from standing up to my dad. Nevertheless, I hope to learn from their experience, take the good and leave the bad, and become a better person because of it.
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